Patton Oswalt had his version here is mine

Star wars Episode VII opening according to Gallologic

There is a lot of talk about the big three of Star Wars coming back for the new trilogy, or at least the first movie of the new trilogy. The big three of course are the three that were in the OT (original trilogy), Han, Luke, Leia (Aka Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher of course).

I have one issue  - (OK to be fair I have about 99 issues, but counting them is not one of them) But what about Lando (aka Billie Dee Williams)???? Yeah yeah, he only was introduced half way into the second movie (Empire Strikes Back), and he was first thought to be a traitor. But he did redeem himself and was part of the strike team to destroy the second Death Star. And as far as the OT crew, besides Chewbacca he might be the most likely to survive 20-30- even 40 years after the end of Return of the Jedi. Think about it, he is touted as being a smuggler, gambler, lover…he obviously makes choices that ensure his neck is saved – i.e. letting Han Solo try out the role of popsicle, sure he didn’t have much of a choice but he knew how to keep from becoming the red shirt of the week when Darth Vader came to town. So yeah, I want to see Billie Dee back on that IMDB page for the new Star Wars Movie.

Speaking of casting. Where the eff is Anthony Daniels? He is probably the most prolific voice of Star Wars, he not only played C3PO for all SIX of the movies, he reprised his role for the Clone Wars Animated Series as well as Droids, Ewok Cartoons, radio dramas, and just about anywhere C3PO shows up in the SW universe. He should have been signed on before JJ Abrams as director.

There is some talk (guessing) about how the new movies will play out. Just because the “big three” are coming back does not mean this new series HAS to be exactly 35 years after Return of the Jedi. Thanks to CGI, makeup, make believe, acting, and a different laws of physics between our universe and that of SW, the time line does not have to match our passage of time since 1983.

The first movie could be 10 yrs  20 yrs, even 40 yrs later. Plus who says that the movies can’t take place over a number of years. Fast forwarding through the next 40 years or even 400 years. That can alleviate arguing about the last 22 years of Expanded Universe books, comics, ect… Just remember there were 10 years between Episode I (the Phantom Menace) and Episode II (The attack of the Clones).

Another thing I have been reading on blogs and hearing on podcasts some fans want a death scene to pass the torch.

I prefer a death scene at the beginning like opening of Citizen Kane or the opening pages of Secret Generations by John Gardner (you NEED to read this series if you like espionage stories, James Bond, or just a story that spans generations and has more twists than a crazy straw)

With all the prophesizing and conjecturing about possible casting of Ian McDiarmid (played the Emperor/Palpatine in the OT and Prequel) and Ewan McGregor played the prequel Obi Wan.

A lot of folks upset about the possibility of staleness bringing back the Emperor don’t want a clone don’t believe the Sith (badidies) can come back as Force Ghosts (i.e. Ben Kenobi, Yoda et al coming back as force projections – visual and aural in the OT)

Would prefer that the Emperor was only in the film as possible a holycron (hologram) or some kind of message from the past.

Here is my take on what the opening should be for EP IV so JJ if you are reading and want to use it, all I ask is VIP access opening night…

We are used to the opening crawl, but I want to break tradition, since we are not getting the 20^th Century Fox opening fanfare I suggest a cold opening where we see a scraggled looking explorer type of guy, Or better yet a chick. Combing through some ruins or maybe down in the bowels of Coruscant. On the screen it says “5 years after the battle of Endor.

This unknown person digging into a vault or maybe tearing through a pile of junk (office furniture. From an old Senate Office…) Finally uncovering a crystal or some kind of device, after rotating the device like a Rubik’s cube there is a flash and then a hologram appears, very weak at first and it is hard to discern, then that all too familiar voice of Palpatine/Darth Sidious crackles to life begins with …”You have found the secret to eternal life I will teach you and you will learn to call me master” or something along those lines…fade away to the crawl…

“It is 30 years after the battle of Endor, the rebels now control the governing body of the universe but still are fighting the clean up remnant of the old Empire. Leia Organa once married to but now estranged from Han Solo finishes up her third term as President finally ready to retire to private life, however pressing matters of a more personal nature drive her to old friends In the last moments of his life

Luke Skywalker the hero of the New Republic long disappeared from public life is rumored to be training a new more disciplined cadre of Jedi at a hidden academy is brought out of obscurity and hiding to come to the side of an old friend.

Unknown to all but a few conspirators there is far more that will concern the lives of every sentient in the galaxy a new type of Sith is lurking  and ready to make themselves known.

Then the scene opens on Corellia in a mansion on a great hill, wide open windows open onto a lush valley

Pan over to a bed with a very elderly human male, medical droids and doctors of various species mingle. Suddenly a large Woolkie enters speaking quietly with a tint of concern, the medical droid says – “Yes, Master Chewbacca the time is near, are they here? Chewie give an affirmative grunt turns toward the door and Leia with C3PO in tow comes into to Han Solo’s side. Worry and grief on her face, she begins to apologize for ever leaving him, and wishes…Han cuts her off “I know dear, you are here now”

Leia then says the kids are on the way.

Luke comes in a few seconds later along with R2D2 who rolls over to 3PO who is standing in the corner out of the way, both although not human are displaying very human traits of sorrow.

Luke and Han exchange a few words where Han tells Luke to take care of  his kids and Leia, telling him he was always proud of him and that even though he does not have his (Luke’s) powers, he feels a disturbance ..chuckles that he has been around this crazy force users too long.

Han and Leia’s children arrive just as the medical droid says “It is time” and Han then reaches out for Chewies hand takes it and places it over Leia’s hand, and says “She and the kids are yours now buddy” Han then drifts off and dies. Chewie howls, R2 gives a low mournful whistle, 3PO simply says “Oh My”, Leia cries out loud, sniffles are heard from the kids (if there is a Jacen like kid in the script maybe he is stoic but still effected). Luke places a hand on Leia’s shoulder and tries to console…

Cut to another room, some hours have passed, Luke and Leia with Chewie all alone. Leia asks Luke what he thinks Han meant about a disturbance. Luke responds that he as felt it too. Leia claims that she has not, then after a pensive look says, she should have never given up on the Jedi training, but Luke says she was needed more in the Senate and for the better of all, it allowed him to recreate the Jedi from a solid foundation. She asks Luke, “IF there is a danger, will you be ready?” Luke looks to the sky and says from what I am sensing, we better be….”

To see Patton Oswalt's version click here

Man of Tinfoil?

My return is brought on by a subject that is already old by todays wham bam thank you señorita entertainment standards. Where we exist in an universe where a movie is jammed down our throats via previews months and years out, as the must see movie, the blockbuster of the year the one that is going to change our religion, and then is in and out of theaters in three weeks only to be on DVD by the end of the month. Or for those of you "hipsters" too cool to go to theaters anymore because your HD/3D/TK421/1080p/PiP/ 84 inch television rivals that of any modern day picture house  I use the example where a T.V. show with what we are told is written and stars the comedic genius of three generations is only given four episodes to gain an audience. I choose to write about a subject that is already in well on its way toward senior citizen status since the movie in question was released four weeks ago today.

I am here to take what seems to be the minority opinion on two issues dealing with the recent Superman retool - Man of Steel. 

First opinion. 

I am so tired of the remakes where we have to re-introduce the mythology and then take a few twists and yanks making it feel as if your imagination has strapped in for a ride on the Comet (roller-coaster) that try to convince us that this is a new and fresh version of an already established story. Why do we have to reinvent the hubcap every time we want to take the Studebaker out for a ride? 

I did not like it with a litany of other remakes most recently including Star Trek (ohhhh YEAH I went THERE) and The Amazing Spiderman  (more on that at another time) and now I am once again reminded how much I don't like it and how I feel it insults our intelligence with the new Superman.

Of course in this case those of us around since the 80s had to suffer not just once but twice. These money grabs are sucking the life and pleasure out of me (and not in the good way...) when it comes to wanting to pay for movies. I get it Superman had to be explained for the uninitiated masses that were too young for the Richard Donner's Superman most excellently portrayed by Christopher Reeves or even further back for the George Reeves Version from the 50s. Or for those that missed out on the chance to read one of the Thirtyteen gazillion comics by DC Comics where it all began with Joe Schuster with Action Comics #1 in June 1938.

Ok so to recap - I am not a fan of retreads or having a director/screenwriter retell a story that was good enough already, in their own way, just so they can show us how smart and talented they are. 

Point Two
So the part I liked best about the new Man of Steel was actually the first 15 minutes on Kryton. We get to see a whole new world. The entire opening segment I was asking my self - what was that creature? how does that communication device work? then I was amazed of the mix between cool new creatures and unique space ships, designs I don't think I have seen before, and a whole new world was opening up. I was actually thinking I was going to enjoy this movie since this movie was obviously going to explore Krypton and we were going to see things we never have before (full disclosure - I grew up reading Marvel and later Dark Horse, so I am not as familiar if this was all old hat for DC readers). I somehow forgot about the previews and how all this was going to have to end since we were going to have to be transported to Earth and continue the story. 

I actually did not mind the set up on Earth either, would like to have seen more of Smallville (spoiler alert) BEFORE it was destroyed in the first fight scene. But once Zod gets to Earth the creative team that wrote and filmed this two hour long car crash, used every possible sound and visual effect in the library to show mass destruction. It was not new, not fresh and kind of wore me down. I was physically tired before the movie was over from sitting and watching this. Even though the movie preached over and over that Kal'el should choose to become the humans champion and show us "the way" no human (except one Air force pilot and to a lessor extent Lois Lane) really got to get in on the action and make a sacrifice or become a hero.

One part I DID like was the casting for Zod and his sub-commander Faora-UI. Zod played by Michael Shannon was (in my humble opinion) well done. I have heard comparisons to the Zod of Terence Stamp. I have nothing against Terence Stamp either as General Zod or Count Douku but I think the way we Zod was written in this recent version we see more of what makes him tick, and he is a bad ass no doubt. As for Faora-UI, played by Antje Traue, well she is just HOT, and I was getting a little excited when she was beating Superman. But even with all that super sexual tension the fight scenes went on far too long.

Another criticism I have heard was that Henry Cavill is NOT Christopher Reeves. Well no crap.... And Reeves was no Reeves (George that is...) my point is, I think Cavill came as close as  your going to get if you are trying to clone Christopher Reeves' Superman, and if you are I would stay we should stick to the script and not try to recreate the story.

Recap. The casting was as well as it could have been, that was not the issue. The movie was three parts. Set up on Krypton, Set up on Earth, and two looong fight scenes. The fight scenes took up 80% of the 143 minute movie. 

I'm Back and So is me

So I am a little late to the party. I say (or rather "I write") that for two reasons. I have neglected the people of earth of my wisdom for way too long by failing to post anything here for a couple of years.  I apologize to those that would have missed me (all two of you sick hopefully hot chick-stalkers) and the rest of you will be reading this months or years after written as you research me for some class project (psychology no doubt) or maybe as background for a movie on my life. By the way if I haven't already made it clear in my will or during some kind of public testimony - I vote for Brad Pitt to play the middle aged me. And if this is years in the future I vote for Brad and Angelina's kid to play me, cause that is got to be one hot kid.

And the subject that has pulled me out of the abyss? The thing I choose to emerge out of the internet wastelands with? The thing that has me so ready to rant and rave about? The thing that had me yelling at the rear view mirror as I weaved in and out of traffic? Well you know me I and I hope you don't if you are reading this.... I can't answer a question with a straight answer - so sit back, strap in, grab a refreshing beverage (and an Advil) while I ramble a little.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Circus


Usually my attention has the life span of a Twinkie laying on a table between Rosanne Barr and Rosie O’donnell, hence the title of my blog “Gallologic the Home of Rambling Thought” not “the Home of Clear Focused Thought”. But today something is holding my interest. After my “work” today I went out…no the truth is I rushed out to my car, shifted it into light speed and drove to the nearest haberdashery (yes I know that is a clothing store but I really have been wanting to use that word). What was the rush?- you may ask, or maybe you wont, either way I don’t care…
Today was the public release of Britney’s second comeback CD. You may scratch your head in wonder, how can a man my age really enjoy her music. “He must be just one of the gazillions of aging perverts that look fondly back to the days when her videos primarily focused on her in a school girls uniform gyrating center stage surrounded by the flyest back-up dancers (and a gay male dancer or two). Yes I may be part pervert but I really do love her music, I put her at number five of my favs just below Ozzy, Eminem, Kiss, and Run DMC. This newest release just makes it easier to love her. I have read reviews that claim there is an over indulgence of synthesized vocals and compared the music to candy-coated paint by numbers. (read the uneducated trashing by a jealous no-talent hack here http://www.canada.com/topics/entertainment/story.html?id=1022191). By now it’s probably apparent that I would disagree with the negative reviews. I would agree with one thing however. There is a lot of similarity with this CD and last years Blackout while at the same time harkens back to some of the best 80s pop (a la Debbie Gibson).Many of the tracks have messages for family (my baby), fans, one for the most lowest class of society the paparazzi (Circus track 2) and according to one reviewer one for us perverts (If U Seek Amy). There are two versions, one standard and on with a DVD bonus disk. I of course sprung for the deluxe version. For me this will be in tray one of my car’s CD changer for the next few weeks, I may be the minority but if you dare to be different join me and get a copy of Circus, because the only way your getting mine is to steal it.